Essential Listening: Ol Dirty Bastard’s “Nigga Please”
“The ODB that can be talked about is not the eternal ODB”
-Lao Tzu (paraphrased)
Few things in the world live up to their billing. Head-On? Nah. The Decemberists? Get out of here. Hershey Squirts? Maybe. Jessica Simpson? About as sexy as Rebbe Jackson, without the class. The internet? A place for creeps to rape your eyes with their ugly myspace pages.
It was with this heart sick attitude that I approached Ol Dirty Bastard’s “Nigga Please”. I was told, by a trusted friend, that I “had to check it out”. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was Jesus, maybe for some strange reason it was Howie Mandel, but I took his advice.
My life changed forever.
Nigga Please is the alpha and omega. It is the blood in your muscle, pumping at three in the morning. It is crazy, not “crazy” like Weird Al, crazy like a riot. ODB reaches the point of true zen in this cd, where he is just flowing with whatever comes out of his head. If I had to fight you, and maybe I will someday, this will be playing. It makes me feel like the Duke of Windsor when I listen to it. It freed me from the white man suburban life. It gave me back my soul, and my penis.
Recognize
This song starts the whole party off in style, with Chris Rock. It has a funkass beat, relaxed but simmering with sex. There are some junky keyboards. The key is restraint. Chris starts in yelling that “this ain’t no commercial shit!” Dirty then kicks it in, his sexy voice rapping about stuff related to the music scene. “It’s rowdy outside, I ain’t signin’ Shit! Duck low, Bitch!” He is aggressive sounding here. He is pissed off. I like it.
You don’t want to fuck with me
The song is bass heavy. Karate music sadly playing in the background. ODB raps with some intense, off the cuff funny stuff “You ain’t shaggy anymore, DA…I ain’t in your ballgame…I don’t answer phones… I will never reveal the Wu Tang secret…” The chorus is song so horribly that it transcends all ugly and becomes beauty. Even the profanity is uglylovely. The song de-constructs as it goes, ending in utter gutter nonsense, a burp and screaming, like all songs should. I wish i could quote some of the lyrics, but some goddamn kid might read this and tell his mommy about the swearing. If you really want to impress the womens, teenyboppers and pirates, throw the John Mayer out the window (right now! go and do it!) and put this on. Finally, this song will give you unbeatable chi energy, that is a scientific fact.
Rollin Wit You
This is one of my favorites. It is insane. Ol dirty is concerned with white people, mothafuckas, taking over the rapper’s game. He is none too pleased with the other rappers allowing the white man to take over, you can take my word on it. He admits to being the only black god. he throws his arrest warrants back at the “po-po”, saying he will have “their fucking asses locked up”. The song is built on a wonderful piano sample. It gets a nice religious twist with the chorus, sung softly, “jesus, I’m rollin wit you…” Jesus in referring to ODB, aka Big Baby Jesus, but I prefer to think it is about the hippy like saviour.
My favorite phrase is when he claims to “control Michael Jackson’s Thriller”. Makes sense to me.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my tone here. I am making fun of my own white self, writing this. Don’t dismiss odb for one moment. The song is crazy brilliant.
Baby I Got Your Money
This was the hit song, easily the most accessible. ODB raps over a big fat bass line, with hooch mammas singing backup. It is the kind of song you might play in vegas, in town for a little “spongebob squarepants”, if you catch my drift. It is a sexy, dirty song. Fun dirty, like the ex president. All you gaywadd bubble bath and champagne enthusiasts should take notes, here. ODB is kicking the sexy out without even trying. Sexy can’t be fiegned, mofo. Either you got it or you don’t. ODB does. He may not be pretty like the Backdoor Boys, but you know that he would get you womens rolling. I will have to save this discussion for my Grand Unified Sexy Theory.
now…
I will be honest here. It is just me, the reviewer, and you, the reader, right? What is a little secret between friends? This is the internet, after all. Here it is… Let me whisper it…. I am struggling with this review. I cursed myself at the beginning, with the Taoism comparison. You cannot really do the traditional song by song review of ODB, or even really review him. Doing so takes something alive and insane and “whites it up”. I don’t want to be the cracker laughing at ODB… “He so crazy!”. What he has achieved with this cd is incredible. It is a classic, like an old kung fu movie or a Dodge Dart. To compare his rapping to other rappers misses the point. The ODB that can be reviewed or compared is not the eternal ODB.
Who should listen to this? Everyone. If you cannot stand profanity, you need to hear it, it will loosen you up. Hipsters? Please. Dick and Lynne Cheney? Yes. Jenna Bush? Baby, she does. Trust me. SAHMs? Yes. Teachers? You get the drift. I just softly suggest that ODB may do for you what he did for me, change my life.
This is the most important record of the twentieth century.
Pros
True “Sanford and Son” ethic; brilliant and crazed; Coleman Young-like profanity
Cons
The white man threw him in jail, not for the Contemporary Christian crowd
The Bottom Line
It will change your life, for the better.